Life always throws us one thing or another. Right when you feel you’ve gotten your feet under your control, it throws you for a loop. When that happens, it’s more than common for thoughts like “I don’t want to live anymore” or “I don’t deserve to be here” to creep up in your psyche. Now, you’re never alone in these thoughts and there’s always somewhere from where these thoughts come from.
It could be unreleased trauma, untreated depression, or even life stress that throws you a curveball. Anything can trigger these thoughts. Most likely, these can be suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation.
While you might feel these thoughts, you don’t have to engage in them. You might not want to be here anymore, but there’s always the choice not to go too. In this post, I’m here with you, and will walk you through the thought, why it comes, and what to do when you don’t want to live anymore, but also don’t want to die.
Why Do I Feel Like This?
Now, you might think, “Why?” Why do you feel like this? Feeling like you don’t want to live but don’t want to die can mean that you’re hurting something fierce, emotionally, mentally, or otherwise. You want things to change and not seeing any hope for that, you feel despair and pain.
This also means that you feel a loss of control and these feelings of being powerless are turning into hopelessness. All of this is making you feel you don’t want to live anymore. On the other hand, these thoughts could also be a sign that you’re going through an existential crisis where you wonder, “What’s the point of living?” You keep thinking about why your life should matter or why you should.
Understanding these questions can throw you for a loop and can make it hard for you to cope. It can feel isolating and can end up with you spiraling out of control. You might end up believing that nothing matters in the end. But! Don’t lose hope! Never that!
These kinds of questions can be hard to hear, even in your mind, but they can also present a chance to understand the meaning of life as it is and what matters to you. An opportunity for self-reflection, yes?
Other reasons why you feel like you don’t want to live anymore can include:
Loneliness
One of the most common reasons for feeling like you don’t want to be here anymore can be loneliness. When you do not feel seen or heard, it can make you question everything. We are social creatures and connection keeps us going. This reminds me how important social connection and having a sense of belonging is.
Trauma
If you’ve experienced trauma, then you might feel you’re carrying a heavy burden alone. This can impact your trust, and security, and even affect your present. It’s more than common for trauma to change how you see yourself and affect your self-worth. These negative feelings can make you think you don’t deserve to be here anymore.
Depression
Living with depression is never easy and it can cause you to feel emotionally heavier than ever. Depression can suck your energy and leave you feeling too fatigued to even move. This, in turn, can make it hard to hope for a better future, making you feel you don’t want to live anymore.
Lack of direction
I’ve said this before in the beginning. Right when you feel you’ve got your life in control, something will take it all back. This can cause you to lose direction and purpose in life. In the end, you end up questioning, “What is all worth?” “Why should I bother?” This can only worsen if you compare your life to others. When life seems to lose direction, it can make you feel listless.
Grief and loss
Losing someone close to you can also make you feel you have nothing to live for anymore. This kind of pain can leave you feeling uncertain about yourself and your life. You end up with sadness, fear, and loneliness, creating a cycle of passive or even active suicidal ideation.
What to Do When You Don’t Want to Live Anymore, But Don’t Want to Die?
When you don’t want to live anymore, but don’t want to die, it can make you feel desperate to do something. I have some tips on what you can do when you feel like this:
Get therapy
If you’re not already seeking therapy, consider it now. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and thoughts, and also give you practical tips on how to fix it. The tools therapy gives you can teach you to stay safe and stop thinking these kinds of thoughts.
Have a safety plan
When you have a plan, you are less likely to feel desperate. Having a safety plan can help you prevent your suicidal thoughts from escalating. In your safety plan, list your coping strategies, names of your support people, close friends and family, the name of your therapist, and also mention the number of a suicide prevention helpline.
Hopelessness and feeling powerless in life can make you feel you don’t want to live anymore, but you don’t have to die when it feels like that. Seeking life support from your loved ones can give you hope to keep on living.
Find social support
Suicidal thoughts are cruel. They lie and tell you that you’re a burden when you’re not. Your family and friends care about you, so seek their support. You can also find support in hotline numbers or a counseling center. This kind of support can make you feel:
- A sense of belonging
- An increase in self-esteem
- Less lonely
- Less suicidal
Connect with others
Researchers show that connecting with others can reduce chances of depression and suicidal ideation, and give your life meaning and direction. Having people who have been through what you’re going through can make you feel less alone in your life, giving you a lifeline and hope to hold on to hope that everything will be okay one day.
Take care of yourself
Another thing you can do when you feel you don’t want to live anymore is to focus on why you should continue living. Make a list of things that you feel make you happy still, list the names of people who love you, or make a list of your happiest moments. Focus on yourself and what keeps you here on this planet still. Life may feel meaningless now, but a brighter future awaits.
If you or a loved one are having suicidal thoughts, then call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 immediately for support. You can also contact your nearest emergency helpline or suicidal hotline for help.
Life is precious, even when it feels unbearable. Keep going, as brighter days are ahead and you’ve got to live to see it!
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