Have you ever found yourself constantly trying to express your concerns and feelings, only to be met with disbelief or indifference? Well, this happens. The frustration of being ignored or dismissed as irrational can make you feel emotionally drained. This experience is commonly called Cassandra Syndrome.
Cassandra syndrome is a psychological experience where a neurotypical partner of someone with an undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder, feels emotional distress because their concerns are constantly dismissed. Drawing its name from the Greek myth of Cassandra, who was cursed, to tell the truth but never be believed, this syndrome highlights the emotional toll of having genuine concerns and worries but continually dismissed.
In this blog, we’re understanding Cassandra syndrome symptoms, causes, and how to heal from Cassandra syndrome.
What are Cassandra Syndrome Symptoms?
Being in a relationship – neurodivergent or not – has its own challenges. Every relationship needs patience, respect, and mutual understanding between the partners. Cassandra syndrome, in many cases, is an overlooked challenge in relationships. If not managed well, this syndrome can take a heavy toll on the mental health and well-being of partners in a relationship.
Cassandra syndrome can impact a person’s mental health, emotional health, and even physical health. Here are some common symptoms of Cassandra symptoms to look for:
- Feeling let down by your partner or the relationship
- Trouble understanding why your emotional feelings are being dismissed
- Experiencing frustration towards your partner
- Questioning your worth and emotions in your relationship
- Experiencing feelings of resentment
- Experiencing a lack of energy for activities
- Constantly worrying about your relationship and self-worth
- Feeling fearful in social situations
- Experiencing frequent headaches and migraines
- Experiencing dissociation/nightmares/flashbacks
- Experiencing changes in appetite, weight, and more
Cassandra Syndrome and Relational Trauma
Experts believe that the Cassandra syndrome is an experience that could lead to relational trauma or complex PTSD. Ongoing traumatic events, like emotional deprivation and intimacy issues, cause this trauma. Neurodivergent partners in relationships often struggle to communicate their needs and feelings to neurotypical partners. Such actions, even unintentional, can inflict emotional harm on the relationship.
Relational trauma may result from certain behaviors in neurodivergent partners, such as:
- Lack of emotional intimacy
- Missing emotional cues
- Lack of interpersonal communication skills
- Challenges reading the emotional experiences of others
- Difficulty regulating emotions
- Lack of emotional connection
Double Empathy and Cassandra Syndrome
Double empathy is when both ASD and non-ASD people can have difficulty understanding each other’s point of view because of their own communication styles and experiences. This can create a double challenge when it comes to empathy. On the other hand, Cassandra syndrome is an experience when a neurotypical partner has their concerns dismissed or ignored, especially when they’re trying to talk about issues related to their neurodivergent partner.
While double empathy is more about the common challenge both types of partners face, Cassandra syndrome specifically focuses on how this lack of mutual understanding can impact one partner’s emotional health.
In relationships, understanding double empathy can help in creating a more compassionate dynamic between partners.
Cassandra Syndrome Causes
Cassandra syndrome can be caused by various reasons that can make things difficult in relationships. Let’s look at some of the common causes of this syndrome:
Lack of Communication
Sometimes, neurodivergent partners may miss social cues or respond in ways that can leave the neurotypical partner feeling ignored.
Lack of Autistic Diagnosis
When ASD or neurodivergence isn’t diagnosed, it can make it harder for the non-ASD partner to realize the root of this emotional disconnect.
Different Emotional Response
People with ASD have different emotional responses than those of non-ASD people. When emotional responses are different between couples, it can also cause Cassandra syndrome, leading to frustration in the relationship.
How to Heal From Cassandra Syndrome?
If you are experiencing Cassandra syndrome, then you can work on healing from the same. It’s better to work together, communicating openly, than to assume the worst and concentrate on negativity.
Here are some ways you can heal from Cassandra Syndrome:
Talk to your partner
You can talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns being ignored by them. Be specific about what you need from them. The key is to have direct communication and clear intentions when talking to them.
Journal your emotions
Writing your emotions and feelings in a journal can help you process your concerns better. It can also give your ASD partner some examples and advice on the aspects of the relationship they can work on to make it better.
Focus on your wellness
Make sure you take time to engage in activities that help you feel better. Exercise, engage in hobbies, or spend some time with your loved ones. Focusing on your well-being can help you create a balance in your relationship as well.
Seek professional support
If the above steps are not working as you expected, then you can consider couples therapy with professionals who have experience in working with neurodivergent relationships. Therapy can help you with tools and practical steps to move through the relationship challenges together.
Remember, You’re Not Alone!
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by relationships sometimes, but you don’t have to handle it on your own. Cassandra syndrome might be an unheard-of psychological phenomenon, but it comes with a heavy emotional toll. It’s important to connect with and understand each other. Although relationship challenges are bound to happen, effective communication and empathy can guide you through them.
Focus on working on your relationship together instead of against each other. When you need help, seek professional support. Give yourself, and your loved one, time and patience to move on from challenges — one step at a time.
Take Care!
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