Relationships are unpredictable, so when you try to control them, it can go out of hand. One aspect of this forms the basis of the ‘Let Them’ theory. This is a term that’s popularized by motivational speaker Mel Robbins, making the “let them” theory take social media by storm. So, what’s this let them theory?
It is as it says. The idea is to let people do what they want while you focus on how you can respond. According to this theory, you become less stressed and calmer, making your relationships easier to navigate.
In this post, we will examine the “let them” theory and how it can change relationships.
What’s the “Let Them” Theory?
This theory is about detaching yourself from the need to control how other people act or behave. Instead of controlling them or your relationship, you simply let them be. The more you try to control others, the more you become frustrated as people don’t react as per your expectations. So, the let them theory states that you let people go and let them do what they want to do.
Rather than pushing people or stressing over people, you take a step back and let them be. That way, you are clear and less stressed about what’s in and not in your control.
Simple, right? Well, in theory, it sounds simple, but when it comes to real life application, it can be a little tough.
What Does The Let Them Theory Demand?
Letting go of your control in a relationship doesn’t mean that you stop caring. Letting go needs a strong self-awareness and emotional IQ. Why is that?
Expectations. More often than not, we want our friends to be more around us, our spouses to be there for us, and our colleagues to be more supportive. When they don’t meet those expectations, we take it personally. How ever, their actions are theirs and not ours to control. Whatever they do, it’s because of what they think is best for them, what they need, and what their experiences lead them to.
So, when someone doesn’t do what you expected them to, here’s what I want you to ask yourself:
Why does this bother me?
Is it my expectations of them or my reflection of them?
If I let them be, how will that change things?
The more your views change, the more you will realize that letting go can be good for you, your relationships, and your well-being too.
The Good and The Bad of the Let Them Theory
Like any other theory, the let them theory has its pros and cons. The benefits of this theory can include:
- You become less stressed, don’t overthink much, don’t overexplain, or become more controlling. You are at peace.
- You don’t try to change people and learn to appreciate them as they are, including their quirks and flaws.
- You learn to focus more on yourself and your needs rather than expecting the same from others around you.
- You become more aware of your actions, reactions, and responses when you let people be what they want to be.
The negative of the let their theory can be:
- Since we’re so used to control, letting go or letting people be as they are can take a toll on our emotional health.
- If you are too involved in your loved one’s life, then stepping back and letting them be can feel unsettling and even frustrating at first.
In the end, it’s about balancing the let them go aspect with self-respect and self-awareness.
The Impact of the Let Them Theory on Relationships
As mentioned, there are both positive and negative sides to the let them theory. Now, let’s take a look at how this theory affects your relationships.
You stop chasing people.
Rather than wondering why someone is not acting the way you expected them to, you accept that they might not be as invested in this relationship as you are, and you move on.
You allow others to be themselves.
Instead of trying to change others, you accept people for who they are. If they are not meeting your expectations, you are in control of whether you want to stay or leave.
You have better boundaries.
By letting people be, you don’t have to put a lot of energy into a relationship where it might seem that you are the only one putting in the effort. This can prevent emotional burnout, too. You start feeling lighter, more in control of your reactions, and calmer.
How to Use the Let Them Theory in Relationships?
Think before you react
When a loved one disappoints you or doesn’t behave as you expected, then pause and think before you react. Ask yourself if you really need to be in control here or if you should just let them be.
Accept it as it is
Other people make their choices, so you need to understand that it’s okay. It isn’t your responsibility to change others, but it’s your responsibility to decide how you can respond. The best you can do is to accept what’s happening as it is.
Set boundaries
When you let others be, it doesn’t give them the right to walk all over you. Don’t be a pushover, and set boundaries. If a loved one is treating you poorly and is constantly making you feel bad, then firmly assert boundaries or just walk away if you can.
Bring the focus to your needs
Rather than worrying about how others are acting or behaving, focus that energy inward and think about your needs for a change. Instead of wanting to control others, think about how you can improve yourself, your happiness, and your emotional growth.
Trust what’s happening
Once you’ve decided to let them be, then trust in the process. If your loved one had good intentions, then they’ll stay. If not, then they were never meant to be.
Final Words:
The let them theory is a good way to trust your relationships and emotional IQ. This theory lets you give up control over others, accept them as they are, and allow you to focus on what matters to you.
Before you embrace the let them theory, know that not everyone will act the way you expect them to. Let them. Not everyone will be okay with this. Let them. Not everyone will respect how you act or behave. Let them. In doing this, you’re making way for the right people in your relationships and life.
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