Someone rightly quoted, “Marriage is not some fairy-tale, it is love, selflessness, patience, tolerance, and enduring a hard time together.” But what happens when the love becomes toxic or the marriage starts testing your patience level? In such cases, moving apart is the only option we are left with!
When a marriage goes through a rough phase, two people can come along and mutually decide what works for them or can also opt for marriage counseling. But when the marriage crosses the boundaries, it’s always a better idea to move apart. If your marriage is going through a rough path, you must know if you can really save your marriage or not.
This blog works as a mini-guide to tell if your marriage can be saved or not. In this blog, I have tried my best to help you identify the red flags based on consultation with marriage counselors.
Important Signs a Marriage Cannot be Saved
Marriage is a roller-coaster ride but honestly, there are some issues that cannot be solved and are considered a deal-breaker. Clearly, it’s your decision to save your marriage a not. I have prepared a list of important signs that might indicate that your marriage cannot recover. Moving apart is hard but sometimes it’s important for your physical and mental health.
1. Abuse
Abuse in any form is a deal-breaker for everyone. It was never acceptable and it will never be accepted because no one deserves to be treated like this. Knowing that, it is really important to seek support if your partner abuses you. Additionally, learn that abuse is not only physical but it can be emotional and verbal too.
2. Lack of intimacy
There are days when there is less intimacy, but if there is no intimacy for a long time, it could be a sign that there are ongoing issues that need to be resolved. Lack of intimacy underlies various issues like cheating, infidelity, bigamy, and others. Therefore, it is always important to keep a check on your partner.
3. Priorities have shifted
If you and your partner are going through major lifestyle changes, you might be able to find directly what’s causing issues in your marriage. If your partner’s goals have been shifted or are no longer aligned with your goals, you can logically figure out that it is not easy to sustain your marriage at this stage. If you think that there are still chances of agreements, compromises, or discussions, you can look for marriage counselors in such cases.
4. Criminal behavior
If your partner is involved in criminal behavior or has a criminal background, it becomes more challenging to get on with normal life because crime is severe. Sometimes, it comes differently to forgive and this serious issue keeps on piling up into major issues in marriage.
5. Untreated addictions
Some addictions are non-negotiable and should be treated. If your partner is not ready to seek treatment or directly denies their addiction, it might impact the future, finances, job, career, goals, and more. Therefore, it’s always better to learn everything about your partner beforehand.
6. Infidelity
Infidelity is heart-wrenching; it is not only a challenging phase but also impacts our mental health badly. Infidelity is a deal breaker and often results in separation or divorce. But, there are some marriages that survive infidelity depending upon the situation. Couples therapy can help in such cases and can also help you find the right resolution.
7. Constant criticism
If your partner always puts you down or judges you for, being you, know that it is not only bad for your mental health but can also negatively impact your professional life. According to a study, criticism received from a partner can put you at risk of high mortality. The other common red flags related to criticism are defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
8. Inability to apologize for
A partner who does not forgive or apologize in marriage can never take their marriage to a healthy lane. If you feel like your partner never apologizes, know that they are not considering your marriage as a partnership and they are not ready to address your emotional needs.
9. Financial problems
If your partner is having financial problems, it’s always a better idea to support them in such a rough phase. But, if your partner does not understand the struggles behind it, overspends the money, or does not want to provide a financial setback, you might want to move apart instead of bringing serious conflicts in your marriage regularly.
10. Lack of compromise
Compromise and adjustment are the two major components of a healthy marriage. If you feel that your marriage is one-sided and struggles are one-sided, you might be in a toxic relationship.
11. Communication issues
Communication issues are one of the major reasons why a marriage cannot be saved. Communication holds intimacy, strength, love, passion, and other important factors required to maintain a healthy relationship between partners. Poor communication may also include a lack of effective listening, misunderstandings, and frequent arguments.
12. One partner has already given up
If one of you has already given up on the marriage, this can be a major sign that a marriage cannot be saved. Be it a lack of intimacy, infidelity, or lack of respect. It takes two honest and committed people to make a marriage long-lasting and healthy.
13. You share nothing anymore and feel increasingly single
When you don’t share anything in common and feel comfortable in being single, it can be a major sign that your marriage is falling apart. In such cases, it can make you feel less worthy, unwanted, and emotionally distant.
14. Your spouse no longer respects you
Lack of respect is one of the major red flags of a marriage. Apart from intimacy, look after the communication patterns, emotional intimacy, and support. If your marriage lacks all of these, it might be high time that you understand your marriage cannot be saved and it’s time to think about the future.
15. Anger
Anger or rage are strong negative emotions that take a lot to be understood. It creates an uncomfortable and toxic environment in the relationship. Therefore, if your partner often shows anger or is always full of rage, it might be a sign your marriage cannot be saved and it’s high time to work on their anger. In such cases, you can take the help of therapy or counseling to learn healthy and effective anger management techniques.
16. Body language changes
Changes in body language tell a lot about the current state of marriage. For example, look after their body language, are they comfortable holding hands in public, do they hug you tight when they announce something big, or do they hold your hand when you need them emotionally? Look after these signs and communicate your issues with your partner.
17. Communication issues
Communication issues are generally seen wherein both partners are engaged in discussing their problems instead of listening to each other effectively or when you both want to walk on eggshells. In such cases, it’s always better to take some time, understand issues, listen to each other effectively, and work on resolutions together.
18. Lying
Hiding good or bad things from each other can make other partners feel less worthy. Additionally, lying in some cases may lead to selfishness or infidelity. It breaks the trust and bond within. If you think your partner is involved in lying, communicate your issues with them, and seek therapy to take the right step further.
Is your Marriage Worth Saving?
Well, marriage is a big deal and it is not easy to end it directly. If you’re rethinking your marriage and vows, learn that you can still save your marriage only when your partner is ready to compromise.
If you or your partner is considering moving apart or seeking a divorce, it is quite important to start considering the questions or factors before coming on to this major decision. Ending a marriage is challenging and complex.
If you think that you still love each other and can save your marriage, you can also seek counseling. Counseling can help you and your partner with the decision-making process.
Even if your marriage shows red flags, you might still repair your relationship. If you want to take the chance to rekindle the marriage, you can look for these hopeful signs that can help save your marriage:
Signs Your Marriage can be saved
1. You both love each other
A strong emotional connection, love, and trust can help you resolve the conflicts and save your marriage.
2. You share values and respect
If you and your partner share the same values and respect for each other, you can also consider saving your marriage. Most importantly, rethink some important factors like finances, ethics, religion, parenting, and lifestyle. Try to build a strong foundation so that you can rebuild your relationship even stronger.
3. You both are ready to work on your relationship
If you and your partner are committed to your marriage, you can willingly take the necessary steps to strengthen it and resolve the conflicts. It is one of the green signs to overcome your difficulties and challenges.
4. You both are ready to work on your problems and stress mutually
All marriages go through a rough patch but if your marriage is going through a lot of stress related to health, parenting, finances, and others, you can take the help of counseling, self-care, or social support to find the love again in your marriage.
If you and your partner are ready to save the marriage, split up, and seek guidance or support, you can try relationship counseling.
A relationship counselor can help you make decisions or resolve conflicts. If your partner does not want to get involved in therapy, you can seek individual counseling too.
I hope this blog helps you with the important signs that a marriage cannot be saved. Comment down and share your views on the same. For more such content, connect with us on all social media platforms.
Thanks for reading!
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