Developing a strong bond with growing children is difficult, especially when parents see their child as disrespectful. However, if you are a parent keen to build a strong relationship with your child, you must know why they behave the way they do. This will help in understanding and efficiently dealing with them.
Usually, everyone has different perspectives, especially when they are growing. However, when it comes to growing up children, parents forget about it, and they start to pick on their children.
They have no respect for the beliefs and choices their child makes. Instead, they want their child to follow them and fulfill their expectations. This naturally takes the form of a revolution, and parents start to see their children as disrespecting them.
If you can relate to what we are saying and want to foster a healthy relationship with your child, let us understand why grown-ups behave this way and how you should respond to them so things don’t turn wrong.
What is disrespect?
It refers to a lack of admiration or regard for another person. However, the definition of disrespect varies from person to person. For some, disobedience is disrespect, while for others, being rude, mistreatment, stealing, violence, etc are forms of disrespect.
This confusion about disrespect prevents one from addressing the issue. Therefore, it is important to get clarity on what is disrespectful. Here are some examples of the behavior that can’t be considered disrespectful:
- Asking for privacy.
- Expressing different points of view.
- Choosing a different career than what was thought by the parent.
- Spending less time with parents.
- Asking others to respect their preferred parenting style.
- Not granting unlimited access to grandchildren.
- Requesting punctuality.
- Attempting to discuss the relationship or events from childhood.
Conversely, here are some examples that will be considered disrespectful:
- Engaging in verbal insults.
- Stealing money or belongings.
- Manipulating through gaslighting or guilt-tripping.
- Intentionally misusing or damaging property.
- Knowingly wasting a person’s time, energy, or resources.
- Displaying physical aggression or violence.
What are the causes of disrespectful behavior in adult children?
Research indicates that when there is conflict between adult children and their parents or caregivers, the underlying causes are often a subject of disagreement.
Besides this, several other contributory factors, like lack of empathy and seeing it as the caregiver’s duty to feed them, make one disrespect the elder. In contrast, disrespect is encountered when parents condemn their children as they find it difficult to see the young adult make their own decisions.
Additionally, if the criticism is pre-conceived, it might also make one disrespect others. As adult children look differently at life, if the parents keep questioning their approach and outlook, they might think of it as criticism and disapproval, which will strain the relationship, as healthy relationships allow respecting individual choices. However, some choices, like abandoning religion, can intensify parent-child conflicts.
Another factor that causes disrespectful behavior is the controlling behavior of the parent. When authoritarian parenting styles persist, even when the children have reached adulthood, it causes conflict.
Furthermore, stress or mental health conditions experienced by either party can inadvertently lead to strained interactions. Moreover, addiction can strain relationships, and young adults, when reflecting on their childhood and how family members treated them, can potentially lead to conflicts.
Ways to Deal With a Disrespectful Grown Child
Responding to disrespectful behavior from adults requires a different approach than handling it from children. It is widely accepted that adults should possess the knowledge of how to act and respond to others politely and appropriately, unlike children who are still in the process of learning. However, parents and caregivers must be aware of and address these behaviors.
Here are strategies to effectively respond to disrespectful behavior:
1. Take a moment before responding
It is natural to feel the urge to respond with the same level of disrespect, but if you follow the same path, things will never turn positive. Therefore, before you respond, take a step back and take a few deep breaths. This will help regain composure and respond more constructively.
2. Maintain a respectful attitude towards your adult child
Even when the behavior of young adults is challenging, and there is an argument going on, you should never stop making healthy communication, as it is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Positive parenting interactions are linked to positive youth development improving adult relationships.
3. Establish clear and realistic boundaries
When dealing with disrespectful adult children, set healthy boundaries. This helps establish expectations for your child’s behavior and enforce the necessary boundaries.
4. Acknowledge your own mistakes as a parent
Parenting is a complex journey, and making errors is inevitable. However, acknowledging that you make mistakes can go a long way in supporting your grown child. This benefits in healing the wounds of abuse, neglect, and other childhood traumas.
5. Practice Active Listening & Showing Empathy
Another way to deal with disrespectful adults is to be open to listening. You don’t just have to say that you are listening. Instead, you need to be actively listening.
This means you need to be present at the moment and listen to what others are saying without being judgmental. Alongside this, you need to be empathetic and desire to understand them.
Once, as a caregiver and parent, you listen to them, you will be able to understand their point and keep your point.
6. Stay Present in the Moment
There is no sense in repeating what happened in the past. Instead, try to live in the present and focus on what’s happening now and the problem. Reflecting and talking about the past will only heat the argument and annoy the other person. Also, it will be unfair to your child as they can never open up.
7. Reflect on Your Parenting Approach
While trying to help the young adult understand things, you must pay attention to your parenting style. If you do not listen to your elders or show no respect towards them, the child will learn the same.
Not only this if you display passive-aggressive behavior toward your child and belittle them, they will never listen to you. So, reassess your parenting style to help you understand how your choices may influence your child’s behavior.
8. Establish Reasonable Expectations
You should clearly explain the expectations you have for your adult child. However, when explaining this, you should ensure they are realistic and attainable. For instance, you can’t expect the young adult to always agree with everything you say, your unrealistic needs, and your opinions.
Instead, you can explain how they can express their differences of opinion without insults and raising their voices. You need to be their role model if you want them to respect you.
9. Present a United Front
If you partner is involved in your child’s life, you must be on the same page when responding to negative behavior. This helps prevent any chances of manipulation or triangulation. Additionally, conflicts between partners, especially unresolved issues, often contribute to adult child disrespect towards one or both parents. Avoiding these conflicts is beneficial.
10. Understand Your Worth
Acknowledge that you are giving your best effort and trying your hardest with the resources you have. Parenting is challenging, and parents often don’t receive enough recognition for their efforts and sacrifices.
Keeping this in mind during stressful moments can help you stay calm and composed when dealing with disrespectful behavior from your adult child.
11. Stay Steady
Consistency is the key to everything. When parenting a child, you must provide positive reinforcement and give them a sense of security. The consistent action gives the child confidence and helps them deal with their anxiety or frustration when they cannot contribute to their parent’s liking.
12. Call for Help
Adult children may sometimes express anger or desperation due to stressors. This is particularly true if their behavior has changed from previously respectful interactions.
If they feel overwhelmed and powerless, they might require additional support from their family, external resources, or even mental health assistance. Examining the underlying reasons behind your adult child’s behavior can help you determine if significant factors influence it.
Final Words
When looking for ways to repair a relationship and deal with disrespectful young adults, you must understand why they behave this way. When both parties are ready to listen and empathize with each other’s situations actively, things start to change, and the relationship starts to mend. Each relationship has the scope to improve; it is only a matter of time before you understand it.
By putting in an effort and visualizing a future filled with happiness and joy, you can overcome all the fights and get to a resolution. However, if working on these things on your own seems difficult, talk to a therapist, as they will help you understand the reason and will also help bring back mutual harmony and respect.
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