A friend recently told me it would be interesting to read an article about ego. I’ve been trying to write this blog for over a month, but have resisted this topic, as my own ego didn’t want to be seen in this light. I’m deciding to push these words out to bring this topic to the surface and discover what it means to be an evolving human.
I’ve promised you transparency and made a pact not to sit behind a screen, so I will show you that part of myself I wish I could hide, yet am choosing to acknowledge. When preaching love in an unkind world, it’s important to practice what you preach. When falling short on kindness, it’s important to recognize faults and choose a new story.
So uncomfortably and a bit bashfully, I share this story of a waltz with my ego:
I had just gotten off the phone with one of my loved ones.
“Maria, you need to work on regulating your emotions and not getting so worked up about things that are out of your control.”
I could hear this. I’ve heard it before. I stubbornly dragged my feet through the rest of the phone call.
If ANOTHER person is calling me out for this, maybe I REALLY need to learn better emotional regulation.
I got in my car and drove my usual route to visit my partner.
Five minutes from his house, I stopped at a red light. The light turned green, and my 18-year-old car, my sweet and well-loved Georgia, accelerated at the speed she could to start her drive again. The souped-up car behind me chose not to practice patience in that moment and moved from behind me to in front of me in that instant. I mouthed some words to let the driver know I wasn’t happy with her choice. As she moved to the other lane, I took my rightful acceleration to pass her. She moved her car to the far edge of her lane, grazing the middle, letting me know I didn’t have the jurisdiction to pass.
More frustration flowed from my mouth (which is the bashful thing I awkwardly admit), and the driver gave me a cute smile and a wave from her car before driving off.
I felt anger searing up from deep inside me as I felt an immense amount of powerlessness. As I got to my destination, I let the tears flood.
Why on Earth am I crying right now? This is so stupid. What am I so upset about? How could I let someone’s actions affect me this much?
The unshakable sobs erupted as I felt like a victim of bullying.
There’s the story.
I felt bullied!
I sat with that feeling for a moment as I encountered all the times in my life I’d felt powerless and bullied. I recognized that I was continuing to create a loop in my field of attracting scenarios to feel powerless and bullied because there was a part of me that had never cleared that pain from my subconscious. I recognize that when we don’t do the work, it follows us everywhere we go. In past experiences, I had learned to use hurtful words as a defense mechanism for feeling attacked, and I was continuing to create experiences that supported the belief that I was a powerless victim.
The ego lashing out wanted to justify itself, yet I had to admit that I was an equal bully in this situation.
When the tears stopped, I left my car and went inside. I vented to my partner about the situation I’d just encountered. He reminded me that every creation is an opportunity to learn a lesson and evolve.
“Maybe this is a blessing to practice radical forgiveness for the way in which you were treated and the way in which you treated someone else,” he said to me.
Although sometimes difficult to admit, I do believe that we are vibrational matches to everything in our realities, either consciously or unconsciously co-creating them. So, by being in a situation to feel bullied, I was also emitting the frequency of being a bully, such as my unkind language, for example. I felt justified in my behavior. I thought this stranger’s actions were enough for me to be self-righteous and spew negativity on her.
She’s the real problem. It’s her fault. I’m being treated unfairly, the hurt part of myself kept repeating.
Even though I was dishing out as much negativity as she was, my ego wanted to keep me in a victim state.
When we are in a victim state, we don’t have to take responsibility for our realities, do we?
So… if I can recognize this pattern in my life of feeling like I’m getting walked over and then “stand up for myself” by fighting back with unkind words, I can also clear it and rewrite a new story. The thing is, though, that we must recognize our faults. I’ll say it again: I must take accountability for my creation.
Through feeling powerless, I create scenarios to show me more ways to feel powerless. Through feeling like the way I feel powerful is to “fight back” with my words, I create more scenarios where I get that pseudo-powerful feeling.
We all can recognize that pseudo-power is an illusion, yes?
My sweet partner reminded me, “Real power is remaining calm. Real power is remaining in integrity with your heart space. Real power is not being bothered by the noise of the world.”
What would love do? How does love respond?
First and foremost, not treating the driver on the road poorly in the first place would be the ideal respectful scenario. However, when the damage is done, and we’re left to pick up the pieces, how would love respond?
I believe that getting out of the victim seat and acknowledging the ego’s trapped story is important. Giving presence, space, and breath to the story allows it to be felt and heard, and then later transmuted. By not acknowledging the hurt and continuing to justify it and make excuses for your own poor behavior, you enable the story to continue being created.
By recognizing the ego as a part of you that is trying to keep you safe, you can take the villainization out of it.
Through choosing to love yourself EVEN when you mess up, EVEN when you cuss out the driver on the road, you allow yourself to be upleveled by making the choice to choose better behavior. By taking accountability for something such as having poor emotional regulation, you can accept it as a part of you that needs to be loved. By loving that part of you that you don’t want to love, you can allow yourself to heal whatever needs to be healed and choose a new way of being.
When you choose to unconditionally love the driver on the road who acts just as poorly, you send out ripples of peace in the world.
It’s easy to dish negativity to those who cause us frustration, yet it’s necessary to switch the narrative to wishing love and consciousness upon them to create a healed world. When we wish love and consciousness upon others, we then, in turn, receive love and consciousness for ourselves because what goes around comes around.
We get to help make the world a better place by choosing our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
What will you do to rewrite your limiting stories today?
Connect with Maria on The Wellness Universe, and follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram.
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Maria Feider is the Social Media Manager for The Wellness Universe, where she creates engaging digital content, fosters meaningful connections, and helps expand the organization’s mission through strategic social media engagement. In addition to her work in digital media, Maria is an energy healer dedicated to helping individuals realign body, mind, and soul. She supports the release of resistance and energetic blockages, guiding others toward greater clarity, harmony, and overall wellbeing. Maria is currently pursuing a degree in Integrative Health and Wellness Coaching and is Reiki Levels I & II certified.
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