Let’s Talk About Sex
There are many myths about sex that persist even today. Here are several of the myths:
- Men think about sex all of the time.
- Men are always ready and willing to have sex.
- Nice girls don’t want sex.
- Good girls, especially wives and mothers, don’t get freaky in bed.
These are untrue, and unhelpful, cultural myths that we continue to perpetuate. It is socially accepted, and expected, for men to complain to their friends that their wives don’t “give it up” enough, and for women to talk with one another about their husbands pressuring them for sex. But we rarely hear women complaining that their husbands turned them down again for sex or men telling their friends that they feel guilty for not wanting sex more.
And yet, the reality is that there are many couples in which the man is less interested in sex than the woman. Unfortunately, most of them are struggling with this alone.
So why aren’t people talking about it more? Why do couples hesitate to talk about this–with each other, with a close friend, or even a therapist?
Shame has a lot to do with it. We have internalized these myths about sex and that leads to shame. Men often feel ashamed about their low libido because they believe that it reflects poorly on their manliness and masculinity. Women feel ashamed because they worry that their partner’s low sexual desire has to do with their value and attractiveness to their partner. It may lead women to ask, “Am I enough?”
So, let’s talk about sex, and our struggles with it. It takes courage to share our vulnerabilities.
Like Brene Brown talks about in her Ted Talk “The Power of Vulnerability”, we can beat shame if we each start opening up more to one another about our struggles and vulnerabilities.
There are many possible reasons for a man’s low libido and sexual desire.
2 Tips for Beginning to Work on This:
1) Let go of the unhelpful myths about sex.
2) Begin talking to each other about it.
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