Healing from an emotionally abusive relationship is especially hard when we don’t get closure. You may be wondering how you can heal or move forward without an apology, a final conversation, or an explanation. This article explores why closure is so hard to let go of and how healing is still possible, even when the person who hurt you never takes responsibility.
Why We Crave Closure from Those Who Hurt Us
When a relationship causes you pain, it’s natural to want answers. We want to understand what happened and why we were treated poorly. An apology or acknowledgment can feel like proof that your experience was real.
The problem is that people who are emotionally abusive often lack the emotional awareness, empathy, or willingness to take responsibility and give us the closure we’re seeking. Understandably, without that acknowledgment, you may be left feeling confused, hurt, and emotionally unfinished. The hope that one day they’ll give you answers or an apology can keep you tied to the relationship long after it has ended.
The Process of Moving Forward Without Closure
Moving forward without closure means releasing the expectation that the person who hurt you will provide the answers or accountability you’ve been waiting for. This process begins with recognizing that your healing doesn’t depend on their participation or permission. Each person’s path looks different, but the core shift is that you stop waiting for someone else to validate your experience and begin honoring it yourself.
The shift happens when you realize that waiting for their acknowledgment has kept you stuck in a cycle of powerlessness and disappointment. You can achieve closure without the other person’s involvement.
Creating Your Own Closure
When someone refuses to take responsibility for their behavior, closure has to come from within. Creating your own closure means accepting your experience as real and significant, even if the other person never acknowledges it. It’s an internal process that unfolds over time and often involves grief, self-validation, and meaning-making.
Validate Your Experience
One way to foster closure is by practicing self-validation. You are the expert on your own experience, and you don’t need anyone else to agree or acknowledge it. This type of self-compassion is a critical part of the healing process.
Here are some self-validating phrases and affirmations that can help you release the need for closure:
• I don’t need an apology to know that I deserved better.
• Healing doesn’t require closure from anyone else.
• I can accept that I may never get the answers I want.
• Letting go of the need for closure is an act of self-respect.
Journaling can also be a powerful way to process your emotions and track your progress. Write about your experiences, the boundaries you’ve set to safeguard your well-being, and the growth you’re experiencing as you distance yourself from abuse.
Name what Actually Happened
Emotionally abusive relationships are often confusing because abusers frequently deny or minimize abuse or manipulate reality, so victims question what happened and whether they were truly abused.
An important step toward closure is clearly naming your experience without minimizing or second-guessing. Rather than focusing on intent or excuses, focus on how you were impacted. What behaviors harmed you? How did they affect your sense of safety, self-worth, or trust? Staying grounded in reality will help you focus on your truth rather than seeking answers from the abuser.
Separate Understanding from Acceptance
You may never fully understand why the person behaved the way they did. Closure doesn’t require understanding their motives. It requires accepting that their behavior caused harm and that this harm is reason enough to move forward. Letting go of the need to “figure them out” can free a great deal of emotional energy.
Challenge the Fantasy of the Final Conversation
Many people imagine a future conversation where everything is finally acknowledged. Gently ask yourself what that conversation is supposed to give you. Validation? Relief? Justice? Then explore how you might meet that need yourself. Often, the fantasy keeps us emotionally attached to someone who has already shown they cannot offer what we need and deserve.
Grieve What Was Lost and Create a Closing Ritual
An essential part of creating closure is grieving the relationship you hoped for, not just the one you had. This means mourning the safety, respect, and emotional care you deserved but did not receive. Grief often brings up profound sadness, anger, and regret. Allow yourself to feel these emotions fully without judgment
Grief also needs expression. Creating a personal closing ritual can help signal to your nervous system that this chapter has ended. This might involve writing a letter you never send, creating a piece of art, or choosing a symbolic action that represents release. These rituals aren’t intended to erase the relationship or your memories. They’re an acknowledgement of how the relationship impacted you and way to move forward by accepting reality so you can reclaim your energy and begin building something new.
Take the next step in your healing journey. Purchase your copy of Finding Peace Without Closure: A Guided Journal for Letting Go of Toxic Relationships and start reclaiming your peace today.
Moving Forward Without Closure
Letting go of the need for closure is an empowering gift to yourself. It allows you to take charge of your emotional well-being rather than depending on someone else to provide answers, apologies, or acknowledgments that may never come.
You have the power to reclaim your emotional well-being and build a life guided by your own values and needs. Freedom begins when you stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to heal.
©2026 Dr. Sharon Martin, LCSW. All rights reserved. Photos courtesy of Canva.com.
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