Dating someone with anxiety can be challenging for both people involved. Anxiety can stand between you and your partner and create doubt and confusion for seemingly no reason at all. Yet, there’s no reason a mental health condition should stand between you and someone you love. Dating someone with anxiety is possible, and there are some key ways that you can prepare. We’ll break down some of those ways in this blog.
1. Learn about anxiety disorders.
Learning about anxiety and what it is doing to your partner is the first step. You’ll most likely see it show up in two ways: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and/or panic attacks.
GAD has symptoms that are similar to panic disorder, OCD, and other types of anxiety. Living with this disorder is often a long-term challenge for those experiencing it. They may persistently worry about a number of areas in their lives or over-think plans and solutions. They may perceive situations and events as threatening, even when they aren’t, or they may have difficulty handling uncertainty. With an inability to relax or let go of worry, your partner may struggle with fatigue, irritability, muscle tension, and nervousness.
Panic attacks are another way anxiety may show up. This is an abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort that reaches a peak within a few minutes. It often includes at least four of the following symptoms: heart palpitations, pounding heart, accelerated heart rate, trembling, shortness of breath, sweating, or a sensation of being smothered.
Anxiety is a real problem. Although you can’t see it, your partner isn’t making it up. Understanding what underlies it can help you assist your partner in working through it however they need your support. Just know that you cannot “fix” or “cure” another’s anxiety, but you can be empathetic and supportive as they manage it for themselves.
2. Talk with your partner.
If your partner suffers from anxiety, they likely spend a lot of time worrying about everything that could already be wrong or go wrong in the relationship. Likewise, you may feel like the anxiety your partner is experiencing affects you. What’s the best thing to do about this? Talk, of course!
Communicating about obstacles will only make your relationship stronger. What’s it like for the anxious partner to feel the way they do? Are they getting treatment that can help them feel better? Do they understand their triggers or the origin of anxiety in their own life? What do they need from you as a partner? How can you be helpful during a panic attack or while their anxiety is peaking?
Be sure to share what it’s like for you when you see them feeling anxious. Do you get worried about them? Do you blame yourself? Is there something you’d like to know that they aren’t currently communicating? Do you feel responsible for resolving it for them?
Having these conversations isn’t always easy, but it can make your relationship stronger.
3. Practice health boundaries.
While anxiety may feel as though it’s invading your relationship, setting boundaries can ensure that it doesn’t take over. After all, anxiety will take up as much space as you give it. People with anxiety must learn to manage it themselves and not look to others to “fix it.” You may feel compelled to resolve it for your partner, but this can create a problematic dynamic over time that leads to resentment. Your role in this relationship is to support your partner and allow them to self-soothe. You can have empathy and compassion for an anxious person without being overly accommodating. Remember, it is not your responsibility to alleviate their anxiety.
Final thoughts
Many people suffer from anxiety at some point in their lives. While it certainly can create challenges in relationships, there are many ways for individuals and couples to manage the symptoms and have a deeply satisfying relationship.
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