All About Sexual Orientation – Counseling & Coaching for Young Professionals

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Sexual orientation is one of the major classifications of identity. We hear it discussed in everyday conversation and gone are the days that sexual orientation fits neatly into a dichotomy.

In this blog, we’ll discuss sexual orientation overall, all the different ways people may identify, and why it is important to understand sexual orientation.

What Is Sexual Orientation?

Let’s start with the basics. Sexual orientation refers to how a person characterizes their sexuality. Sexual orientation is comprised of three distinct components:

• Identity
• Behavior
• Attraction

Your identity is how you define yourself; for example, “I am gay.” Your behavior is how you act on your identity; for example, “I have sex with the same gender.” Your attraction is who you are sexually or romantically attracted to; for example, “I’m sexually attracted to the same gender.” Some people may or may not experience sexual attraction but they do experience a romantic attraction to the same or different gender. Conversely, there are people who don’t experience romantic attraction but do experience sexual attraction.

While the examples above are relatively simple and straightforward, sexual orientation isn’t always that way. All three may not line up perfectly, and that’s okay too! Note: When describing someone’s identity, always say “sexual orientation” not “sexual preference,” which implies that it’s a choice and easily changed.

Terms to Know

There are a variety of terms within sexual orientation that help people identify themselves. Sexual orientation varies across a spectrum with various terms to help people describe their experience.

1. Straight or heterosexual: A sexual orientation that describes people who are emotionally or sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender.
2. Gay or homosexual: A sexual orientation that describes people who are emotionally or sexually attracted to people of their own gender and/or biological sex (For example, someone could identify as a non-binary gender but still have the anatomy that is attractive to someone else.) This term is often used to describe men.
3. Lesbian: A term used to describe a woman who is emotionally or sexually attracted to other women.
4. Bisexual: A person who is emotionally or sexually attracted to more than one sex or gender.
5. Pansexual: A person who can be attracted to different kinds of people, regardless of their biological sex or gender identity and gender expression.
6. Asexual: A person who experiences little or no sexual attraction to other people.
7. Demisexual: Someone who seldom develops a sexual attraction to anyone until they have a strong emotional connection.
8. Same-gender loving: A term, coined by African American activist Cleo Manago, sometimes used in Black Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC) communities over terms like lesbian, gay, or bisexual to express sexual attraction to people of the same gender.
9. MSM (Men having Sex with Men): A term used in some ethnic minority communities to describe men who have sex with men but may not identify as gay or bisexual.
10. Queer: Often used as a synonym for “not straight”; an umbrella term for a wide variety of sexual orientations and gender identities. This term has been controversial as some individuals in the LGBTQIA community are offended by this word as it has been used in a derogatory way throughout history. However, others have reclaimed it and feel comfortable using it to identify themselves.

Why Is It Important to Understand Sexual Orientation?

Often, people become aware of their sexual orientation during adolescence, and this can impact many areas of your life as you grow into adulthood. It is natural for all humans to have an evolution in their sexuality (identity, behavior, or attraction) over time. Exploring this important part of your identity can facilitate your development of romantic relationships in your dating life. Whatever your sexual orientation or gender identity, remember that you are not alone. There are lots of other people like you, and they may be experiencing the same emotions or have the same questions that you do.

If you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted members of your community. These may include:

• Your family and friends
• Your doctor
• A therapist or other counselor
• LGBTQIA clubs or organizations in your community
• A member of the team at the Quarterlife Center

To contact the Quarterlife Center, visit here. We’re happy to provide support via support groups or 1:1 counseling.