On some days, everything seems to go sideways. You start the morning to-do list, and a phone call derails the day. Or an email changes the scope of a project. Suddenly your day or week turns upside down, and you think, “Now what?!”
How do we bring our best selves into those days and those moments of choice?
Life happens! Sometimes a minor inconvenience can create a stressful situation. One day, I was hurrying to prepare a salad for a potluck when I knocked over a can of olives and spilled the contents behind the stove. I uttered some choice words as I pulled the stove away from the wall to clean up the mess. I arrived at the event feeling frazzled and not my best self.
Sometimes, big things happen. A job change, a family emergency, or unexpected news can leave us feeling overwhelmed with unexpected circumstances. My friend’s sudden injury sent their family scrambling to cover unexpected expenses and create a modified living environment for my friend.
We can’t always control what happens; however, we do have control over our responses. How we respond doesn’t just impact us but also sets an example for the people in our sphere of influence. Our kids watch how we handle challenges. I was embarrassed that my kids were in earshot of my olive-can-behind-the-stove incident. My next step was to admit to my kids, “I didn’t handle that accident well. It’s just a spill. It’s ok to make a mistake, and I can clean it up.”
With presence, we can choose to have a positive influence on our environment. Our kids and coworkers take cues from our calm during the storm. Our friends look to us for reassurance and support. The way we navigate life’s challenges sends a message of trust and reassurance.
So, how can we pivot gracefully and show up with presence when life throws us off course? What does it look like to show up with presence for ourselves and for the people we impact?
Why Presence Matters in Times of Change
Imagine a scenario where you’re hurrying to pick up the grandkid and running late because you had to clean up dog barf on the carpet before you left the house. Construction traffic slows you down, and you hit every red traffic light. In that moment, your frustration makes your heart race and a headache starts pounding. Sound familiar?
Now imagine a time when you stayed calm and grounded during a stressful moment. You stayed level-headed during a tough meeting, or you listened to a friend when they were stressed. Your grounded presence made you and the people around you feel steadier, even if nothing about the situation changed. You feel good when you claim your inner authority and personal power.
That’s the power of presence. It’s about being fully anchored in the moment, no matter what’s happening around you. When you show up grounded and intentional, you help yourself feel more purposeful and competent. When you show up grounded and intentional, you set a tone of well-being for others to feel calm. As heart-led community leaders, teachers, coaches, parents, and grandparents, we have an opportunity to model presence for others.
The next time life takes an unexpected turn, ask yourself: How do I want to show up right now, for myself and for others around me?
The NADA Response
Managing life’s unexpected twists and turns doesn’t have to be overwhelming. A youth group leader and I taught this four-part tool to a group of middle school students as a resilience-building process.
- NOTICE—When something tough happens and life feels crazy, pause, take a belly breath, and NOTICE what’s going on physically and emotionally with you. What sensations do you feel in your body? Heart rhythm, tingling, heat, cold, sweat? What emotions are you feeling? Anger, disappointment, resentment, anxious, excited, eager, curious?
- ACKNOWLEDGE—This doesn’t mean you agree with what is going on. But you see it. You might not like your feeling of jealousy or resentment. You might not like feeling judged by others. But you acknowledge that this feeling is here. This circumstance is here. Now you have the power to choose your response instead of reacting impulsively.
- DECIDE—you have a choice in your attitude and your action. Focus on what you can control. How will you show up in this moment? Consider your options and choices. Take another belly breath to allow oxygen to get to your brain so you can think more clearly.
- ACT—Take your next step with intention. Claim your inner authority and personal power. Ask for help. Shift your perspective. Make a choice aligned with your values.
The more you practice the NADA Response, the more natural it will feel. Pausing to notice how you feel, acknowledge what’s going on, decide your next steps, and act with intention will become your default setting.
Daily Practices to Build Adaptability and Resilience
The ability to pause and pivot when life takes an unexpected turn is a useful skill to develop. This skill is developed through daily habits that strengthen your resilience muscles. Here are simple practices to help you feel more grounded and present:
- Mindful Morning Practice—Start your day with ten minutes of calm. Breathe deeply into the bottom of your lungs. Write three things you are grateful for. Speak affirmations to yourself: I believe in my abilities. I trust myself to succeed. I am an expression of Divine Love in the world. My Mindful Morning Practice has become my non-negotiable default setting that sets me up for a successful day where I’m grounded and able to handle what the day brings.
- Improvisational movement—let your body unwind through unstructured movement. Allow your mind to observe how your body would like to process stored emotional energy. Put on music or move in silence. Dance, stretch, and allow your body to lead and your mind to observe. When I was feeling heavy and lethargic, I played some upbeat music and allowed my body to dance, play, and move to my inner rhythm. This playful practice got me out of my head as I felt lighter, more present, and more grounded in my body.
- Pause—several times during the day, pause and notice something beautiful. Pause and notice your connection to the earth. Feel the ground beneath you. Pause to notice your breath and body sensations. Pause to be aware of yourself as a being who notices, thinks, feels, and has a physical body.
By weaving these practices into your daily life, you’ll build the adaptability to face life’s challenges with more grace and ease.
Modeling Resilience for the Next Generation
When my daughter was young, she was struggling to learn to ride a bike. She got frustrated and was ready to give up. On this day, I chose not to give her advice, which I often did. Instead I said, “It’s okay to feel frustrated. Let’s take a breath and try again.” The simple action of being present with her helped her feel more present for herself. She was able to handle a tough situation with calm and determination. And yes, she learned to ride a bike.
As heart-led leaders, we often set the emotional tone for others around us. When we respond to challenges with grounded presence, we give others permission to do so as well. Tapping into your inner resilience can inspire a child, a coworker, or a friend to find their own inner strength.
The Power of Heart-led Leadership
The next time life twists into a pretzel and you ask, “Now what?!” pause and take a breath. Notice how you feel. Acknowledge what’s going on even if you don’t like it. Decide your next step aligned with your values. Take action with intention. Remember that every challenge comes with an opportunity to learn, grow, and expand into a higher and better version of yourself. Challenges also provide opportunities to show up as our highest and best self for others.
Life challenges may catch us off guard, but we get to choose our response. When we show up with grounded presence, we’re not only more adaptable but we’re also lighting the path for the next generation.
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